Currently viewing the tag: "Motherhood"
One evening as I wrote at Panera, I couldn’t help but watch the young family at a table nearby. The parents’ proud, adoring faces told me that this baby boy was their first child, and that they loved every single thing he did. He wasn’t just the most important person in Panera—to them, he was the only other person on the planet.
Dad answered his son’s every coo with, “Oh, really? Is that right? What else?” Mom spooned something green out of a jar, her mouth moving like her baby’s as she tried to get the food in his face. More than once, the parents grinned at each other across the table, marveling over this precious person their love had created.
I remember looking at Nathan just like that. We found him fascinating. Quite honestly, I don’t remember feeding Molly, but I suppose the fact that she’s still alive proves she must’ve been fed at some point. That’s the plight of the third born.
It struck me, as I stared, that God sees me just like those parents saw their baby. Unconditional love, delight, fascination. To Him, I’m the firstborn. With God, I’m the only child on the planet. And so are you. He marvels over us because He created us in love.
I once heard Beth Moore say that God isn’t rearing us to leave home. We’ll be with Him forever. He is always a loving father, and He never loses His fascination for us. Zephaniah described our perfect parent this way:
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
God, let me know—KNOW—just how loved I am. What security, what purpose, what life is mine, because of Your forever love! Thank You, Father, for calling me Your own. Amen.
When the kids were young, and I was up to my eyeballs in diapers and sippy cups, I nearly punched a woman in the face.
Andy and I were having dinner with several couples we didn’t know. We introduced ourselves to one another, and to a young, newly-engaged woman, I said that I was stay-at-home mom. With a nod toward her fiancé, she replied assuredly, “Yeah, when we have kids, I won’t stay home. I’m not really the kind of woman who likes to cook and clean all day.”
And I very nearly punched her, square in the nose.
Instead, I blurted out a comeback that made Andy laugh for weeks. “Well, I don’t do it because I like it!”
I love being a mom, of course, but there are certain aspects of the job that I don’t always like. What I meant to say…what I should’ve said to the poor girl…was something more like, “I don’t like to cook and clean all day. In fact, I don’t cook and clean all day. But I stay home with my kids because I think it’s what God wants me to do.”
And for the record, my mom-friends who work outside their homes do so because they’re confident that God has called them there, too. I also know moms who love to cook all day, and even a few women who love to clean…because God has simply wired them that way.
Every mom—stay-at-home moms and career moms alike—does some things that she doesn’t like. That’s part of being an adult, really. Maturity is the ability to delay gratification…to put what’s required ahead of what’s just desired. Moms make sacrifices out of love, whether or not they like it.
Moms understand Paul’s call to humble service in his letter to the Philippians. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:3-5)
Paul goes on to explain the servant heart of Jesus. He left his throne, humbled himself, and obeyed even to the point of death by crucifixion. Why? He didn’t do it because He liked it. Christ endured the cross because He loved us. He made the ultimate sacrifice because He knew it’s what God wanted Him to do.
And what was the result? Paul says, the sacrifices were worth it. “Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus is Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (Philippians 2:9-11)
For moms, duty calls. Duty to children, yes, but more importantly, duty to the Lord. We don’t do it because we like it. We make sacrifices because we love our children—and our God.
Lord, the sacrifices I make as a mom pale in comparison to the sacrifice You made for me. And yet, on the days when I’m overwhelmed by it all, will You remind me that it’s worth it? Remind me to have the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus. Thank You that Your Spirit empowers me to accomplish everything You call me to do…whether or not I like it. Amen.
Happy Mother’s Day! If you’ve followed this blog for at least a year, you know that we celebrate today by sharing our motherhood mishaps. After all, there is no such thing as a perfect mama, and confession is good for the soul. Here are my top ten mama-confessions this year:
1. I got lost on the way to pick up Nathan from a Boy Scout camping trip, and arrived more than an hour late. As the scoutmaster tried to give me directions over the phone, he told me to turn north. My response: “Sir, I’m not a scout. North means nothing to me.” The scoutmaster asked Nathan if his mom gets lost a lot. He said, “Yeah. Like, a lot.”
2. When Molly was upset about something, I responded with, “Re-the heck-lax.” She burst into tears.
3. Anne lost a tooth, and I accidentally dropped it down the drain.
4. One night, the tooth fairy was tired, and wanted to go to bed early. Rather than wait for the girls to fall asleep, the fairy flew into the girls’ bedroom and delivered the money while they watched.
5. Remember the movie Gremlins? It’s a lot scarier than we remembered. Never, ever let your children watch it. Only a dreadful mother would do such a thing.
6. Molly smashed her fingers in her bedroom door, and cried. I told her that if she was going to play rough, she could expect to get hurt. A few minutes later, I overheard her crying to Anne, “I want Daddy! He’s nice when we’re hurt.”
7. Immediately after the kids sat down to dinner, I smelled something terrible. I said, “What is that awful smell?!” Molly immediately burst into tears. “I can’t help it! My shoes make me sti-hi-hiiink!”
8. When I was irritated with Andy for not cleaning up after himself, I gave him an earful in an online chat. After several angry messages from me and a few apologies from him, I realized that Nathan had borrowed Andy’s computer. I’d been letting poor Nathan have it for something he didn’t do.
9. I always forget my camera for the girls’ ballet events. Anne and Molly stand around awkwardly while other moms carry on photo shoots. A few months ago, I told Anne, “Honey, I’m so sorry that I forgot the camera again.” She said, “That’s okay, Mom. Emily’s mom takes pictures of me.”
10. Last Mother’s Day, our church played a video of kids being interviewed about their moms. When asked, “What does your mom do for you?” one little girl answered, “She makes lunch for me every day.” Molly was shocked. “Her mom makes her lunch?!” In our house, kids fend for themselves.
Please tell me you aren’t perfect, either. Leave your Mother’s Day confession in the comments, and have a fantastic Mother’s Day!
Past Mother’s Day Confessions:
“This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now CHOOSE LIFE, so that you and your children may LIVE and that you may LOVE the Lord your God, LISTEN to his voice, and HOLD FAST to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.” Deuteronomy 30:19-20
Classical education calls a student Nathan’s age “the argumentative child”.
Frankly, I can’t think of a more appropriate adjective.
Arguments with my soon-to-be middle schooler have led to some not-so-fun moments. Growing pains come with growing up, I suppose, but what if Nathan continues to make unwise choices? What if his disobedience and disrespect today become rebellion and a hard heart tomorrow? What if my kids don’t choose the Lord, once they’re on their own?
In Deuteronomy, Moses delivers a farewell speech to his argumentative children, the Israelites, just before they enter the promised land on their own. Moses reminds them of God’s faithfulness, and then, he lays out a choice. “It’s life or death,” he says, “so choose wisely. Now choose life!”
I’m struck by the four parts of Moses’ call—the four Ls. I’ve started using Deuteronomy 30:19-20 as a parent’s prayer—a four-part plea on behalf of my argumentative children.
Now choose life, says Moses, so that you may…
- LIVE. God, I pray that Nathan, Anne and Molly will live freely and fully in You. Freedom and abundance grow from faith and obedience, so let them obey boldly. Let them truly live! (Deuteronomy 11:31-32)
- LOVE. Grant my kids hearts to love You, God. Let them love You deeply—heart, soul and strength. Give them love for other people, too—for their family, friends, and enemies. Remind them of the grace You’ve given them, so that they’ll extend love and grace to others. (Deuteronomy 6:5; Mark 12:30-31)
- LISTEN. Let Nathan, Anne and Molly listen to Your voice! Call them loudly. Give them a hunger for Your word—keep it “very near”—and let them come to know You through it. It doesn’t matter how many Bible verses I make them memorize if they don’t encounter You, so don’t let them just hear “idle words”. Give them ears to listen. (Deuteronomy 30:14; 32:46-47)
- HOLD FAST. (This one doesn’t start with L, so instead I pray it as “latch on”. Alliteration blesses me.) God, let my kids stick with You! Like Moses on Mount Sinai, transform my kids so much in Your presence that they never want to leave it. Show them how much they need to be with You, so they’ll hold fast. (Exodus 33:14-15)
Let Nathan, Anne and Molly live in Your freedom, love You, listen to Your voice, and latch on to You. Lord, be their life! Thank You for “abounding in love and faithfulness”…to all Your argumentative children. Amen. (Exodus 34:6-7)
One of my favorite parts from the story of Christ’s birth is Luke 2:19 – “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Every mother understands. We all have moments when we ache with love or joy for our children. Times when we think, “I will never forget this moment. This one’s a treasure.”
I made a few treasured memories this Christmas, and I hope you did, too. I loved hearing Anne sing carols at 6:15 AM Christmas morning. We’d told her not to come into our room until 7:00, and she obeyed…but joy doesn’t follow the clock, I suppose. “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” has never sounded so sweet.
Another treasure was my gift from Nathan—a handwritten story about a mom of three kids. Treasure. And as we ate Christmas dinner (complete with a pre-cooked ham and store-bought rolls), the whole family did their best to convince me that they like lumpy mashed potatoes.
“Really, Mama! They’re fine!”
“I don’t like it when you just swallow ‘em, Mom. I like it when you have to crunch ‘em. Like these.”
Oh, what treasures! What blessings from the fullness of His grace (John 1:16). I’d love to hear your Christmas highlights. What say you? What does your heart treasure this season?
Moms of daughters! I just read a book you won’t want to miss. Dannah Gresh, founder of Pure Freedom and Secret Keeper Girl ministries, recently released Six Ways to Keep the “Little” in Your Girl: Guiding Your Daughter from Her Tweens to Her Teens. I’ve written about Mrs. Gresh a few times before—I am her biggest fan, I think—and this newest release only made me love her more.
Geared for mothers of girls ages 8-12, Six Ways blends practical tips, statistical research and devotional application. Gresh suggests activities for moms and daughters to do together. She has also done her homework, citing studies and statistics to back up her assertions. And it’s all written from a biblical perspective, as one mom encouraging another to point her daughter to the Lord.
Six Ways discusses modesty, boys and dating, body image, friendships and more. I’ve been feeling the pressure of raising daughters lately…frankly, I haven’t felt this inadequate since I was a “tween” myself! But Six Ways and other resources from Dannah Gresh provide the tools I need. I’m so grateful for the friend who first mentioned the name “Dannah Gresh” to me. (Thank you, Laura!) Hopefully I can be the friend who passes her name to you, too. For your daughter’s confidence, purity, and future, don’t miss Six Ways to Keep the “Little” in Your Girl.
From Six Ways:
“The most sensational scenarios are not what’s robbing our little girls of their innocence. It’s the slow drip of value-ingraining shows where girls dress up and go on dates, and our little girls are pressed to identify with older, more mature characters and life scenarios.”
“How do you cause a modest and content spirit to grow in your daughter? You cultivate one in yourself first.”
“…our children are in a spiritual battle every day. God desires for them to live a full and abundant life. Satan desires their destruction. The enemy will usually not use blatantly evil encounters to seduce them, but will enter subtly through relationships. That’s why we have to be so involved in our daughter’s friendships, teaching her to be discerning as she moves toward those years when she will be making decisions with less input from us.”
“Here’s the challenge: You want to keep her off the boy-crazy train while at the very same time developing within her a love for marriage. How do you do this? You do it be being positive about boys and telling her about what she can have in the future—not by being paranoid about boys and telling her what she can’t have now. Dream with her about the pure relationship God wants her to have one day, and teach her that the beauty of that relationship depends on how she lives today.”
Related posts:
Re-posted from August 2008.
When Amy Carmichael struggled with whether or not to serve God on the mission field—leaving behind all she knew—her mother wrote this poem. Today, more than a century later, her words spoke to this Amy, too. A beautiful, simple reminder of our faithful God, and a reminder to moms to always point our children to deeper faith. I hope it encourages you.
He who hath led will lead
All through the wilderness,
He who hath fed will surely feed…
He who hath heard thy cry
Will never close His ear,
He who hath marked thy faintest sigh
Will not forget thy tear.
He loveth always, faileth never,
So rest on Him today – forever.
I’ve written before about the fantastic mother-daughter ministry of Dannah Gresh. The girls and I attended a Secret Keeper Girls conference last year, and I’ve been crazy about Mrs. Gresh ever since. This summer, the girls and I followed one of her books of Mother-Daughter dates, and I’ll always treasure the memories made and conversations shared.
Next month, Gresh releases her newest book, Six Ways to Keep the “Little” in Your Girl. I’ve pre-ordered my copy and can’t wait to read it. Between now and the book’s release, Dannah is leading “30 Days of Prayer for Your Daughter”. Read more about it here. If you have a daughter—especially between the ages of 8 and 12—please visit Dannah Gresh’s Pure Freedom and Secret Keeper Girl sites to find out more on this life-changing, life-giving ministry.
A few months ago, a friend and I met for lunch. She’s a fantastic mom, and I wanted to pick her brain on parenting. I expected to learn a few practical tips, but instead I found myself opening up about my failures, shortcomings and insecurities as a mom.
My overall theme: I’m not enough.
I’m not nurturing enough when my kids are hurting.
I’m not fun enough with them.
I’m not patient enough.
I’m certainly not wise enough.-I haven’t a clue what I’m doing, most of the time.
I’m inadequate. As the saying goes, “You cannot impart what you do not possess,” and there is so very much I lack.
My friend answered my fears with this wisdom: “Amy, that’s where faith comes in. Your job is to point them to love God and love people. And then, trust Him to make up the difference.”
Trust Him to make up the difference.
Have faith that He will bridge the gap–the gaping hole–between what my children need and what I have to offer them.
Isaiah 54:13 reminds me of her words. I’ve borrowed it as a parenting prayer: “All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace.”
A prayer from an inadequate mom: Lord, I’m not enough. Make up the difference for my kids. Be their teacher! They–and I–so desperately need Your guidance. And be their peace, Lord. I trust You to bridge the gap for them, and to be the parent that I can never be. Amen.
“Mom, look what I made you! But I accidentallyput one of the M’s on upside down.”
Time for the third annual post of Mother’s Day Confessions! I’ve been saving a list all year. Unfortunately, I had to cut out some gems to keep it at ten. Perhaps I should title these posts, “Ten Things I Did This Year to Send My Kids to Therapy”. But Mother’s Day Confessions is shorter.
Leave your own confession in the comments to make me feel better. And Happy Mother’s Day!
1. When Andy was out of town one weekend, I completely forgot to feed the dog. I only remembered because Nathan texted me with, “Belle is acting weird. She keeps running around and crying.”
2. We ran completely out of toothpaste. The whole family started the day with Scope (and only Scope), until Andy ran to the store.
3. Molly informed her teacher at church, “My mom is ALWAYS on the computer.” Ouch.
4. When I opened the glass freezer door at the grocery store, I whacked Anne in the head. A man standing nearby gasped and snickered. I apologized to Anne, who said, “That’s okay, Mom. It was just my face.”
5. I bought tickets for the girls’ Friday night ballet performance…and then attended the Sunday night show. With the wrong tickets. And did I mention, my parents had flown in from Oklahoma, just for that show?
6. One night, the tooth fairy left Anne money under her pillow. That same night, the tooth fairy also left an IOU for Nathan, with an apology to him for stealing money from his wallet for his sister.
7. When I was behind on laundry again, Nathan had no clean socks. I made him wear a pair of Andy’s. Then, we went to our friends’ house for life group, and he had to take off his shoes on their new carpet. He flapped around in huge socks all evening.
8. One day at Walmart, Molly was extra grumpy. I scolded her several times for her selfishness and grouchiness. When we got home, she had a fever.
9. I sent Nathan outside to play with his friends, but ten minutes later, he returned. Another mom in the neighborhood had taken his temperature…101º…and sent him home.
10. (Molly, looking around the room.) “Mom, we are totally gonna be on that show you like.” “What show, honey?” “Hoarders.”
