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Happy Mother’s Day! If you’ve followed this blog for at least a year, you know that we celebrate today by sharing our motherhood mishaps. After all, there is no such thing as a perfect mama, and confession is good for the soul. Here are my top ten mama-confessions this year:
1. I got lost on the way to pick up Nathan from a Boy Scout camping trip, and arrived more than an hour late. As the scoutmaster tried to give me directions over the phone, he told me to turn north. My response: “Sir, I’m not a scout. North means nothing to me.” The scoutmaster asked Nathan if his mom gets lost a lot. He said, “Yeah. Like, a lot.”
2. When Molly was upset about something, I responded with, “Re-the heck-lax.” She burst into tears.
3. Anne lost a tooth, and I accidentally dropped it down the drain.
4. One night, the tooth fairy was tired, and wanted to go to bed early. Rather than wait for the girls to fall asleep, the fairy flew into the girls’ bedroom and delivered the money while they watched.
5. Remember the movie Gremlins? It’s a lot scarier than we remembered. Never, ever let your children watch it. Only a dreadful mother would do such a thing.
6. Molly smashed her fingers in her bedroom door, and cried. I told her that if she was going to play rough, she could expect to get hurt. A few minutes later, I overheard her crying to Anne, “I want Daddy! He’s nice when we’re hurt.”
7. Immediately after the kids sat down to dinner, I smelled something terrible. I said, “What is that awful smell?!” Molly immediately burst into tears. “I can’t help it! My shoes make me sti-hi-hiiink!”
8. When I was irritated with Andy for not cleaning up after himself, I gave him an earful in an online chat. After several angry messages from me and a few apologies from him, I realized that Nathan had borrowed Andy’s computer. I’d been letting poor Nathan have it for something he didn’t do.
9. I always forget my camera for the girls’ ballet events. Anne and Molly stand around awkwardly while other moms carry on photo shoots. A few months ago, I told Anne, “Honey, I’m so sorry that I forgot the camera again.” She said, “That’s okay, Mom. Emily’s mom takes pictures of me.”
10. Last Mother’s Day, our church played a video of kids being interviewed about their moms. When asked, “What does your mom do for you?” one little girl answered, “She makes lunch for me every day.” Molly was shocked. “Her mom makes her lunch?!” In our house, kids fend for themselves.
Please tell me you aren’t perfect, either. Leave your Mother’s Day confession in the comments, and have a fantastic Mother’s Day!
Past Mother’s Day Confessions:
Molly: “Mom, are you listening to opera?”
Me: “No. Her name is Sandi Patty. She sings high, huh?”
Molly: “Sandi Patty? Heh-heh. Like, a sandy patty? Heh-heh. Dirty burger.”
Overhead in our home recently:
Anne, on Matthew Broderick: “When the guy in Ladyhawke grew up, did he become Inspector Gadget?” Yes. He also cut class in high school.
Molly, on her sore throat: “Normally, my throat just feels like my arms and legs do, like, you can’t even tell they’re there. But right now, it feels like it has a chunk of a softish rock stuck in it.” Discussing ailments in great detail…I wonder where she learned that.
Nathan, on Little Women: “This book could’ve saved, like, a LOT of TIME if Jo could’ve just figured out who she loved in the first place.” Ah, true. Pretty much sums up the college years, doesn’t it?
Whispered in my bed after a dream startled me awake…
“I had a bad dream.”
“I’m sorry. So did Mark.”
“Who?”
“Mark. He’s on the other side of me.”
I sat up and looked across Andy. There was someone there, but I couldn’t make out who. I laid back down.
“Andy, we don’t have a kid named Mark.”
“Oh, true.”
“So who’s over there?”
“Not sure. I hope not Mark.”
Recently overheard between Andy and me…
- Amy: 10 minute explanation of a book I just finished, ending with, “It’s great. You should read it!”
Andy: “I think I just did.”
- Andy: 10 minute explanation of World Cup…groups, pairings, goal differentials, continental rivalries.
Amy: “Vuvuzelas sound like flies.”
- Amy: “I can’t believe they came all the way here to see them, and now they are going all the way there to see them.”
Andy: “Okay, I’m having trouble following your pronouns.”
- Andy: “Do you want to go tonight?”
Amy: “Sure, if we have enough money. Do we?”
Andy: “No.”
Amy: “Then why did you offer to go?!”
Andy: “Because I didn’t expect you to say yes!”
Marital communication at its finest.
In honor of our 13th anniversary…
iLove
Andy and Amy
Sittin’ in a tree
S-U-R-F-I-N-G
First came love
Then came kids
Then came twitter
And some youtube vids
We used to go on dates
We used to talk out loud
Now we just IM
Amid the virtual crowd
“I like your status, babe.”
“I read your blog today.”
“You made me LOL!”
And, “R U O K?”
The times, they are a’changin’
But we’re still up in that tree
My dear, iLove you deeply
(And iLove technology!)
Change, to me, is spelled S-C-A-R-Y. But alas (Andy tells me), change is sometimes necessary. And so, here I am, with a completely changed website.
Many thanks to the creative genius Scott Watters, of Watters Edge Design, for making the changes painless and even pretty. Scott wins awards for his graphic design, but he made time for this little blog. All seven readers and I say thank you, Scott! You were very patient with me. And I totally forgive you for calling me a diva.
A major reason for the change is to offer my copywriting services. Click on “Writing” for more on that. Or “Contact”. Or “About”. Or “Links”. Fancy!
My favorite change, though, is the new subscription features. See Scott’s fun buttons to the left, on top of my head? You can click on the orange button to subscribe to my blog posts by RSS. Or, if you’d rather I show up your inbox a few times a week, click on the envelope to subscribe by email. How great would it be if all seven of you subscribed right this second? Ready, go!
So, a big welcome to the new-and-improved AmyStormsDotCom. Let me know if you have any problems.–It may take a few days to work out the kinks. I do hope you like all the changes!
“Mom, look what I made you! But I accidentallyput one of the M’s on upside down.”
Time for the third annual post of Mother’s Day Confessions! I’ve been saving a list all year. Unfortunately, I had to cut out some gems to keep it at ten. Perhaps I should title these posts, “Ten Things I Did This Year to Send My Kids to Therapy”. But Mother’s Day Confessions is shorter.
Leave your own confession in the comments to make me feel better. And Happy Mother’s Day!
1. When Andy was out of town one weekend, I completely forgot to feed the dog. I only remembered because Nathan texted me with, “Belle is acting weird. She keeps running around and crying.”
2. We ran completely out of toothpaste. The whole family started the day with Scope (and only Scope), until Andy ran to the store.
3. Molly informed her teacher at church, “My mom is ALWAYS on the computer.” Ouch.
4. When I opened the glass freezer door at the grocery store, I whacked Anne in the head. A man standing nearby gasped and snickered. I apologized to Anne, who said, “That’s okay, Mom. It was just my face.”
5. I bought tickets for the girls’ Friday night ballet performance…and then attended the Sunday night show. With the wrong tickets. And did I mention, my parents had flown in from Oklahoma, just for that show?
6. One night, the tooth fairy left Anne money under her pillow. That same night, the tooth fairy also left an IOU for Nathan, with an apology to him for stealing money from his wallet for his sister.
7. When I was behind on laundry again, Nathan had no clean socks. I made him wear a pair of Andy’s. Then, we went to our friends’ house for life group, and he had to take off his shoes on their new carpet. He flapped around in huge socks all evening.
8. One day at Walmart, Molly was extra grumpy. I scolded her several times for her selfishness and grouchiness. When we got home, she had a fever.
9. I sent Nathan outside to play with his friends, but ten minutes later, he returned. Another mom in the neighborhood had taken his temperature…101ยบ…and sent him home.
10. (Molly, looking around the room.) “Mom, we are totally gonna be on that show you like.” “What show, honey?” “Hoarders.”
This week, Nathan changed career paths.
“Mom, you know how I’m gonna be a pastor when I grow up? Do you think I should be a writer instead? Or maybe I could be a pastor who writes books when he’s not preaching.”
It started when Andy brought home an old leather portfolio notebook from his office. Nathan began filling pages and pages of the legal pad inside. His book–novella?–is sixteen chapters of Harry Potter meets Star Wars, as told by a ten-year-old boy. Because what else does a ten-year-old boy tell, besides Harry Potter and Star Wars?
When he thumbtacked this sign to the wall outside his bedroom, I laughed and cried at the same time. I especially like the afterthought penciled in at the bottom. “Unless it is important…” Pastor-Authors don’t want to sound unhelpful.
