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"Random Funny"
Molly may not have a future in her daddy’s pastoral care ministry of counseling and compassion.
“Mom, my friend [____] just texted me,” she said as we drove away from the dance studio. “Can I reply?”
“What did she say?” I asked, knowing Molly had just seen the girl a few minutes earlier in ballet class.
“She just said, ‘I miss you.’”
“Okay. Yes, you can answer.”
(Noise of clicking thumbs.)
“What did you say back to her?” I asked.
“I said, ‘It’s been like ten minutes. MAN UP!’”
Conversation #1:
“Whatcha playing up there?” I asked, when the girls came downstairs after being in their room a while.
“Hotel. We check people in and out.”
“That’s fun. Who do you check in?—Each other? Your dolls?”
“Oh, no! So far we’ve had Barack Obama, Sara Groves, Selena Gomez, and Ben Stiller.”
Okay…
Could a more random list of imaginary hotel clientele possibly be compiled? I think not.
Conversation #2:
Molly: “They should make a board game of Words With Friends.”
Nathan: “Molly, that’s…Scrabble.”
Molly: “Oh, yeah! It kind of is!”
A recent text from Nathan…
Tomorrow marks my 17th year with Andy. We’ve only been married for 14 years, but on October 21, 1994, on the edge of Grand Lake in Oklahoma, we kissed for the very first time.
Probably more information than you care to know, but there it is.
This picture was taken sometime in 1994, too, at Andy’s grandparents’ home in Joplin, MO. I call it “Perm and Poof.” And again with the kissing!
Anyway, I love you, Andy Storms! Happy Kissiversary. You had me at, “I find you very aesthetically pleasing.”
“What is going on with my shirt?” I asked my friend the other day at church. “I think I have a dryer sheet on my back.” She reached down the back of my shirt and pulled out two pieces of toilet paper.
“It’s just a tissue,” she said. I laughed, thanked her, and walked away, wondering how on earth I managed to get toilet paper in my shirt.
And then I remembered.
Several months ago, when I started using hot rollers, another friend gave me some tips: what size roller to use, which direction to roll my hair, and the most helpful advice at all…“If a roller gets too hot on your head, stick a square of toilet paper under it.” That toilet paper tip saved my ears, my forehead, and last Sunday, the back of my neck.
At some point as I fixed my hair that morning, I managed to knock the toilet paper pieces out from under the rollers, and down the back of my shirt. And I carried it there all the way through church.
Some girls use toilet paper to pad their bras. I pad my back.
I’m so ready to start school next week, simply because I crave routine. Frankly, summer, sometimes your carefree attitude makes me a little nervous. Call me boring, but I love structure, schedules, and new school supplies.
I also love for the temperature to not be 100º.
But, our summer was still fun, in spite of its proclivity for chaos and heat. It started with Anne and Molly dancing in their academy’s performance of Alice in Wonderland. Anne was a morning glory, and Molly was, quite obviously, a mushroom.
Anne also got her first pair of pointe shoes this summer! My friend took this picture through the studio window, and I love it. Doesn’t it look like a Norman Rockwell scene?
Toe shoes are Anne’s greatest love right now. She went to a three-week ballet workshop, which ended like this…
Molly attended a ballet workshop, too. This was after her performance there.
Nathan saw the new Harry Potter movie with his friend. They went at 12:50 AM, because Nathan is the kind of kid who goes to midnight premieres in full costume.
Molly turned nine…
…and Nathan turned 12! This is him after church camp, with his new hero, Conor. Conor was our church’s junior high intern, and Nathan hasn’t stopped talking about him. So thankful for fantastic youth leaders like Conor.
Somewhere in there, our family went camping. We did lots of this…
…and this…
…and we left the campground like this.
And through it all, Belle the basset hound remained in some subtle variation of this.
That’s summer. The end. Let’s go, fall!
I found this jotted down in an old note, and it made me laugh:
“Uh, Mom. Why do you have a book called Child Training Tips? I don’t think we need trained.” -Molly Jane, age 5
I laughed because I remembered how offended she was! And because, she hasn’t changed a bit.
For the record, Child Training Tips by Reb Bradley was one of my favorite parenting books when my kids were little, just in case you’re interested. Because, like it or not, we all need trained.
Anne: “God knows EVERYTHING!” <slaps herself across the face> “He knew I was going to do that!” <smack!> “And that!” <smack!> “And that!”
Me: “What are you reading?”
Andy: “Your book about addiction.”
Me: “Do you like it?”
Andy: “I can’t stop reading it!”
Molly, when Nathan rolled his eyes at her poor football toss: “What?! We’re girls, and we throw like girls!”
Molly’s prayer and commentary before our recent camping trip: “…and help us not to get eaten by any wild animals. Amen. I was goin’ for worst case scenario.”
Me: “Nathan, you’ll catch more flies with honey.”
Molly: “Well, that is a really good way to put it, Mom!”
Anne: “Almonds aren’t really my nut.”
Happy Mother’s Day! If you’ve followed this blog for at least a year, you know that we celebrate today by sharing our motherhood mishaps. After all, there is no such thing as a perfect mama, and confession is good for the soul. Here are my top ten mama-confessions this year:
1. I got lost on the way to pick up Nathan from a Boy Scout camping trip, and arrived more than an hour late. As the scoutmaster tried to give me directions over the phone, he told me to turn north. My response: “Sir, I’m not a scout. North means nothing to me.” The scoutmaster asked Nathan if his mom gets lost a lot. He said, “Yeah. Like, a lot.”
2. When Molly was upset about something, I responded with, “Re-the heck-lax.” She burst into tears.
3. Anne lost a tooth, and I accidentally dropped it down the drain.
4. One night, the tooth fairy was tired, and wanted to go to bed early. Rather than wait for the girls to fall asleep, the fairy flew into the girls’ bedroom and delivered the money while they watched.
5. Remember the movie Gremlins? It’s a lot scarier than we remembered. Never, ever let your children watch it. Only a dreadful mother would do such a thing.
6. Molly smashed her fingers in her bedroom door, and cried. I told her that if she was going to play rough, she could expect to get hurt. A few minutes later, I overheard her crying to Anne, “I want Daddy! He’s nice when we’re hurt.”
7. Immediately after the kids sat down to dinner, I smelled something terrible. I said, “What is that awful smell?!” Molly immediately burst into tears. “I can’t help it! My shoes make me sti-hi-hiiink!”
8. When I was irritated with Andy for not cleaning up after himself, I gave him an earful in an online chat. After several angry messages from me and a few apologies from him, I realized that Nathan had borrowed Andy’s computer. I’d been letting poor Nathan have it for something he didn’t do.
9. I always forget my camera for the girls’ ballet events. Anne and Molly stand around awkwardly while other moms carry on photo shoots. A few months ago, I told Anne, “Honey, I’m so sorry that I forgot the camera again.” She said, “That’s okay, Mom. Emily’s mom takes pictures of me.”
10. Last Mother’s Day, our church played a video of kids being interviewed about their moms. When asked, “What does your mom do for you?” one little girl answered, “She makes lunch for me every day.” Molly was shocked. “Her mom makes her lunch?!” In our house, kids fend for themselves.
Please tell me you aren’t perfect, either. Leave your Mother’s Day confession in the comments, and have a fantastic Mother’s Day!
Past Mother’s Day Confessions:
Molly: “Mom, are you listening to opera?”
Me: “No. Her name is Sandi Patty. She sings high, huh?”
Molly: “Sandi Patty? Heh-heh. Like, a sandy patty? Heh-heh. Dirty burger.”
